I left without even saying a word last night. I knew I had gone out the door unoticed so I turned to look at you the last time, and I saw someone else. I remembered the first time I saw your face, you were much too different then that I could imagine.
You were never the same person that I used to know. I never thought it would have come this far, and what I feel is what I should never tell you at all.
I finally had the courage to close the door behind me, picked up myself and stood strong in what I had always believed in. "It had always had to end this way I know."
I’ll have to do what’s best for both of us,
Making you happy was all that I ever wanted but I didn’t think I’d be helping you anyhow.
I took a cab on my way home and thought about you all the time. I reached for my phone to see my messages and kind of hoped one of them had to be from you…
It wasn’t.
I guess this is how it is when you’re on top of everyone, and I knew somehow this was going to happen. But I had no idea I’d be one of those brushed aside.
I hope there would come a day you’d understand me, then will come a time when I won’t have to say goodbye like I am saying today.
Take care.
Monday, May 18, 2009
ODE TO FORGIVING
Then, I saw the light above my head, to descend upon me the courage to embrace the quest for truth. I felt the fear of every man uproot my heavy heart, for no man shall put down his look upon my fate. I shall face the darkest fear my father has ever known, and chase away every enemy known to faith. I shall be with him until the end, with my soul ever so enduring to punish those who have wronged him. I shall strike down what ever hope left to those who had gone without a curse, for I too have been cursed unjustly.
I then promise to return from where my pen retires, but then that day will come, falls my last foe. I gather not the hatred for I have forgiven long before the saints could judge me. Bear this, I will bow down to accept their verdict, what ever comes, I’ve made for the love of a son to a father.
Be it done then, this dream…. this night mare will not be over, I have come to realize that a question you ask could not be answered. No preacher could ever explain, therefore why care to ask?
A curse then is a curse I accept, for no matter how your heart desires, it will always be upon you, and then will be upon me.
From this day forth, my heart will stop.
I then promise to return from where my pen retires, but then that day will come, falls my last foe. I gather not the hatred for I have forgiven long before the saints could judge me. Bear this, I will bow down to accept their verdict, what ever comes, I’ve made for the love of a son to a father.
Be it done then, this dream…. this night mare will not be over, I have come to realize that a question you ask could not be answered. No preacher could ever explain, therefore why care to ask?
A curse then is a curse I accept, for no matter how your heart desires, it will always be upon you, and then will be upon me.
From this day forth, my heart will stop.
moonlight
I know that I had been away for too long now and I could still remember the day I had promised never to return, a promise that I had always wanted to keep for myself and for others who I have not understood.
I had prayed many times to forget so many things yet had held on to many memories about everyone. And maybe I haven’t really forgiven myself, I guess the days are over and I had wanted to be back home.
I had felt the rain touch my skin last night as the night had been so cold as ice that I had forgotten how it was and how I had wanted to keep away.
I had clenched my hands and had closed my eyes only to feel that I may have been all alone. I would never have wanted to run away again.
if home was near again.
I had prayed many times to forget so many things yet had held on to many memories about everyone. And maybe I haven’t really forgiven myself, I guess the days are over and I had wanted to be back home.
I had felt the rain touch my skin last night as the night had been so cold as ice that I had forgotten how it was and how I had wanted to keep away.
I had clenched my hands and had closed my eyes only to feel that I may have been all alone. I would never have wanted to run away again.
if home was near again.
greatest piece
I held my hands up towards the sky last night and prayed that I’d finally hear the right melody to help me write this over again.
So many things to think and talk about but so very little time to write things down. I took one last look at your face and I remembered the same way I felt the very first day I met you.
It’sfunny things can change the way that you don’t expect them to. Me writing this one out and, you would never have had the chance to read just one line of how I’m going through this time.
I can hear every last note that the song has played, and it’s funny I know how it would always end but can’t ever seem to figure out how it all began.
I can tell you some bits and pieces of how it feels when you listen to a song that not many people care to listen to anymore.
Perhaps it’s sad when you’ve done your best when no one actually ever tried to understand. I hope I’ve never done anyone wrong this time. It’s become too clear for me , but it’s too hard to ever accept it all together.
I may never remember how it was a long time ago, but if ever I do, I’d hope I’d never hear this one last piece ever again.
So many things to think and talk about but so very little time to write things down. I took one last look at your face and I remembered the same way I felt the very first day I met you.
It’sfunny things can change the way that you don’t expect them to. Me writing this one out and, you would never have had the chance to read just one line of how I’m going through this time.
I can hear every last note that the song has played, and it’s funny I know how it would always end but can’t ever seem to figure out how it all began.
I can tell you some bits and pieces of how it feels when you listen to a song that not many people care to listen to anymore.
Perhaps it’s sad when you’ve done your best when no one actually ever tried to understand. I hope I’ve never done anyone wrong this time. It’s become too clear for me , but it’s too hard to ever accept it all together.
I may never remember how it was a long time ago, but if ever I do, I’d hope I’d never hear this one last piece ever again.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
only this time
And so there we were, for the very last time lying close to each other. I had held your arms as you had mine, and somehow I felt this was going to be the longest wait I would have ever imagined.
Your eyes were still beautiful, although I feared that this may be the last that I am ever to see it. Those many nights that I've often wondered how I would become to ever be without you, and I guess somehow we both new the end was coming.
Am I to close the door of which you have left open?
Tonight I look at the stars and I see nothing, I feel only my heart and my heart alone would have been enough to remind me of how weak it is without you in it.
You know that i have only to wait for what ever comes out of your lips and I would be alive again. Send out the message and I would be whole again - and so I wait to hear your sweet voice and wait to see the sad look upon your face.
Perhaps this is the last of which I am to write about, I thank him so much for having brought you in my life.
It's the old song again that I'm hearing, only this time will be last that I am ever to sing with it and will hold on to a promise never to hurt ever.
Yes, until the melody drops, I would never say again for you will be my last.
Your eyes were still beautiful, although I feared that this may be the last that I am ever to see it. Those many nights that I've often wondered how I would become to ever be without you, and I guess somehow we both new the end was coming.
Am I to close the door of which you have left open?
Tonight I look at the stars and I see nothing, I feel only my heart and my heart alone would have been enough to remind me of how weak it is without you in it.
You know that i have only to wait for what ever comes out of your lips and I would be alive again. Send out the message and I would be whole again - and so I wait to hear your sweet voice and wait to see the sad look upon your face.
Perhaps this is the last of which I am to write about, I thank him so much for having brought you in my life.
It's the old song again that I'm hearing, only this time will be last that I am ever to sing with it and will hold on to a promise never to hurt ever.
Yes, until the melody drops, I would never say again for you will be my last.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
"when things don’t turn out right”
there I was sitting right next to her that early friday morning. It didn’t feel like she had been around for sometime now. We both had been too busy with almost everybody around asking us how things were finally going now that we’ve started to patch up after twenty something years. It’s been almost four days and I don’t think I’d been able to connect to her somehow. I know I tried and others have too.
She went to bed and so did I and hope to kiss her goodnight like she always did when I was a lot younger. She stopped me there for a moment and said she didn’t feel it was right and I then hesitated to ask her why,
“I was too old for that ” she uttered. I gave her a smile then afterwards leaned backwards to show her I was okay. I guess she didn’t realize how hurt I was that very instant.
I got up and reached out the door on my way out the room to find someone else to talk to. But I didn’t have much luck then, so I went out the house like I always do - just to think things over.
I guess having to buy a one way ticket coming over here was just the smartest thing I ever did.
She went to bed and so did I and hope to kiss her goodnight like she always did when I was a lot younger. She stopped me there for a moment and said she didn’t feel it was right and I then hesitated to ask her why,
“I was too old for that ” she uttered. I gave her a smile then afterwards leaned backwards to show her I was okay. I guess she didn’t realize how hurt I was that very instant.
I got up and reached out the door on my way out the room to find someone else to talk to. But I didn’t have much luck then, so I went out the house like I always do - just to think things over.
I guess having to buy a one way ticket coming over here was just the smartest thing I ever did.
Friday, February 27, 2009
still
I took off without even saying goodbye I know. I figured I’d be breaking my promise all over again anyway. It was enough that I had seen you after a long time already but I guess that didn’t really mean anything did it? It’s funny, it all feels like nothing really happend and things haven’t really changed much I guess. It’s probably going to stay that way for a couple more years.
I don’t hear anybody else complaining so why bother? I didn’t even expect things to turn out a little bit right for the last few minutes that you and I talked. We both wanted to talk to each other I know but I couldn’t understand why something had kept you from doing it more. I had needed you for once in my life I knew I couldn’t live without you, but I guess you’ve proven me wrong all along.
Yes, I probably cried in some point, but who doesn’t? I’m just not too shy of wanting to let others know how I feel, and I guess I wanted to tell you that there’s a lot more from where it came from.
Now all I can do is sit back, relax and be my old self again and be misunderstood for the rest of my life.
maybe , I too have just misunderstood the both of you
I don’t hear anybody else complaining so why bother? I didn’t even expect things to turn out a little bit right for the last few minutes that you and I talked. We both wanted to talk to each other I know but I couldn’t understand why something had kept you from doing it more. I had needed you for once in my life I knew I couldn’t live without you, but I guess you’ve proven me wrong all along.
Yes, I probably cried in some point, but who doesn’t? I’m just not too shy of wanting to let others know how I feel, and I guess I wanted to tell you that there’s a lot more from where it came from.
Now all I can do is sit back, relax and be my old self again and be misunderstood for the rest of my life.
maybe , I too have just misunderstood the both of you
mandoll
I turned to where the lights were and found only worn out pictures of me in it and it’s funny I never found yours.
I kept looking all over again hoping to find you in them but there never was, and I guess somehow, I’ve finally given up the search.
Things would never be the same now that I’ve moved on I guess. From where I am now is a place that hurts but is a place that forgives, and I for one have learned to forgive. Something that you’ve yet to discover for yourself.
I hope you’d learn this well enough before even time runs out, I’m most certain time waits for no one exactly no matter how hurt you were, or how hateful you’ve become.
I’m hoping you’d figure this out before we come to our senses.
goodnight and thank you!
I kept looking all over again hoping to find you in them but there never was, and I guess somehow, I’ve finally given up the search.
Things would never be the same now that I’ve moved on I guess. From where I am now is a place that hurts but is a place that forgives, and I for one have learned to forgive. Something that you’ve yet to discover for yourself.
I hope you’d learn this well enough before even time runs out, I’m most certain time waits for no one exactly no matter how hurt you were, or how hateful you’ve become.
I’m hoping you’d figure this out before we come to our senses.
goodnight and thank you!
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